He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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