Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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