Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
