If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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