Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
