I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
