My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
