I just made out with a guy for $7.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
