If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Four minutes until I can fart!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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