I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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