Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
