so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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