I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
