I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
farters have to be the big spoon...
please come you make the beer taste better
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
