The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
