8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
