well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
