my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
