I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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