She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
