my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
