And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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