I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
