I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
