Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
