ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
