i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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