super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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