Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
