but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
