wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
