Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
