He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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