I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
