ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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