Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
