My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
