ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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