the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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