I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
