Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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