and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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