I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
