So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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