Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
