haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
