I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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