We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You've changed since you got that strap on
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
