She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Couch. On fire.
why is half of my head shaved?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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