At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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