Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
