Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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